“Hey Siri, find a therapist near me”

You have made the decision, after much contemplation, to begin therapy. It feels exciting, nerve-wracking, a little scary. You go online and search “find a therapist near me” and hundreds of therapists fill your screen. It is overwhelming, and somewhat confusing. How do you know who to reach out to? How do you know they will be the right fit?

Finding a therapist can feel a lot like dating. Searching through online directories for a therapist feels reminiscent of online dating apps. You want to find someone you feel comfortable and safe with, but fearful about jumping into a relationship in which you know nothing about the person. The sheer number of individuals that pop up during your search can almost have the opposite effect, in that it feels that there may be no one who could actually understand what you are going through.

I understand how difficult it can be. Beginning therapy requires you to be vulnerable and share your most sacred thoughts and feelings. You don’t just want to hand that over to anyone, right?

Therefore, when making the decision to begin therapy with someone, the first step is to imagine who you will be sitting across from. What does that image bring up for you? Is there a specific type of person or setting that you are imagining? Most therapists have information about themselves on their websites and online directory profiles. When looking at these profiles, ask yourself these questions:

1)    Are there certain cultural identities that the therapist must hold? When searching for a therapist, many people have certain preferences about gender identity, race, religion, etc. As a BIPOC individual, does my therapist also need to hold BIPOC identities for me to be vulnerable? As a woman dealing with previous trauma, would meeting with a male therapist be a corrective experience, or would it just lead to more fear and avoidance? As a gender non-binary person, do I also need to meet with a gender queer person, because they understand my experience? 

2)    Do I prefer virtual sessions or in-person? Largely due to Covid-19, many therapists offer virtual sessions to clients. This can also open the search range for you, as some psychologists and therapists are licensed in multiple states, meaning that you do not need to necessarily see someone from your home state. Would virtual sessions be more accommodating for your schedule, or do you desire the closeness that comes with being in the same room with someone?

3)    Do they take my insurance, or can I pay out of pocket? This is completely based on your preference and financial situation. Many therapists take insurance, although there is a large portion that are out-of-network, self-pay therapists. If out-of-pocket pay is not an option, then make sure to filter your results to only include your insurance (many online directories have a way to filter results). However, if you have more flexibility, you may come across a therapist that is self-pay, but you wonder if it is worth the investment. Which brings me to step two.

Step two is to make sure that you schedule a consultation phone call or meeting with the therapist. You may have liked their website, their previous experience or training, or the areas they specialize in. Now, just like “swiping right,” you want to talk with them to see if you like their energy. Most therapists offer a 15-minute consultation call prior to scheduling. If they do not, make sure to ask for one.

During this consultation call, address the following:

1)    You can review your previous questions from step one. If certain philosophies or perspectives are important to you, such as anti-racism, social justice, being LGBTQIA+ allied, then make sure to ask them their perspectives on these topics. Ask them about payment and virtual options.

2)    Ask them to describe the type of therapy they provide. You may know what you are looking for as far as “theoretical orientation,” meaning the type of therapy that the therapist uses in their practice. Some people like cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), while others prefer psychodynamic.

However, if you are saying, “I didn’t go to counseling graduate school, I don’t know any of these terms!” that is understandable! Therefore, ask the therapist how they approach therapy, or what their overall perspective is on your concern. An example of this may be, “My main concern is my anxiety. Can you tell me about how you approach anxiety? How can you help me with this?”

3)    Availability and scheduling. Although it may seem like a minor issue, make sure that your schedules align for at least the next several months.

Finally, this 15-minute consultation call can help you get a sense of who this person is, how they talk about the world, and how they talk with you about what you are struggling with. Often, you can get an instinctual feelingduring this phone call. You may feel quickly at ease or comfortable with them. You may feel that they truly understand what you are going through. Or, on the contrary, you may feel that they are not a good fit, that your belief systems are different, or that they do not seem to understand where you are coming from. That is okay! That is the purpose of this phone call.

If you believe the therapist is a good fit, then go ahead and schedule! If not, then you have some good information about what you are not looking for when you search again. You can go back to the online directories and have more insight into what you want.

Finally, after you go on a “first date” with a therapist, you may have one of two reactions. You may feel that your instinct was right, in that you felt safe, heard, and seen in your session. This is wonderful.

However, you might have found that this person is not what you expected at all, in a negative way. This is a hard pill to swallow. You have worked up the courage to reach out for help, to schedule with someone, to talk with them for an hour, only to feel that they are not what you are looking for. This happens. It can feel defeating, frustrating, hopeless.

I encourage you to not give up. You have made it this far. You have decided that you want to your life to feel different, which is not a small decision. Just as people go through many first dates to find their partner, this is a similar process. Research shows that the therapeutic relationship is the main driver for change or improvement in therapy, therefore it is vital that you feel you can open up to your therapist.  

So, yes, you will have to go back to square one, and take another chance on someone. Hold on to the motivation and confidence you felt when you first made the decision to start therapy. I promise the long-term, positive consequences are worth it.

If you are interested in scheduling a 15-minute consultation call with me, please fill out this form here.