What are the “Sunset Scaries?”

Let’s set the scene.

It’s 4pm. You are recently postpartum. You’ve spent the day buried in diapers (yours and your baby’s), pump parts, and leaky bras. You are running on 3 hours of sleep. You are counting down the minutes until your partner gets home. You reflect on the day but can’t even remember all that you did that day. It’s time to think about dinner and bedtime. The sun is starting to set. You start to feel an intense wave of dread and overwhelm as the night approaches.

Sound familiar? This phenomenon is called the “sunset scaries.” It is the feeling of dread, doom, anxiety, or stress as night approaches. This is an incredibly common feeling among new moms, but many people are not aware of the universality of the experience.

Why do sunset scaries happen?

This likely depends on the individual and their circumstances, but often it is due to the loneliness and unknown of nighttime during the postpartum period. When you are a new parent, you have no idea what each night may bring. It can feel unsettling to not know what the night might look like – how long you’ll be able to sleep, how well your baby will sleep, if they’ll feed enough, if they’ll be able to sleep on their own, etc. The unknown of the night can bring on a sense of dread, especially when you are already exhausted.

Many postpartum moms also dread the end of the day because it represents the loneliness ahead. Postpartum nights usually consist of frequent wakings and solitude. For new moms, it can feel like the rest of the world is asleep while you are up, struggling to take care of your baby. The nighttime can feel isolating and lonely, which can lead to increased stress, sadness, or anxiety. 

Sleep safety can also be a source of concern, with new moms worrying about their baby breathing or SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome). Anxiety about their baby’s sleep can lead to insomnia, which exacerbates anxiety or depressive symptoms. Additionally, moms may anticipate their baby waking in the middle of the night, keeping them up rather than allowing themselves to get sleep.

How do I know if I’m experiencing sunset scaries?

If you are experiencing sunset scaries, you may feel:

• dread or doom about the night ahead

• increased irritability with your partner or baby in the late afternoon/evening

• mood swings or tearfulness

• worry or anxiety, often manifesting in restlessness, heightened heart rate, tension in your body, butterflies in your stomach feeling

These symptoms usually present around 4-5pm or when the sun starts to go down.

How do I know if this is more than just sunset scaries (e.g., postpartum depression or anxiety)?

It is very common to experience mood swings, tearfulness, and worry during the first two weeks of postpartum. These symptoms are often labeled as “baby blues” and is likely when the sunset scaries are most intense. It is normal to have difficulty adjusting to a new routine, especially when you are exhausted and are likely not getting your basic needs (i.e., restful sleep, movement, consistent meals) met. However, if the sunset scaries persist past the initial weeks of postpartum and are consistently distressing, then it may be time to seek professional help. It may be indicative of postpartum mental health difficulties, such as postpartum depression or anxiety. Further, if you experience a sense of dread, anxiety, or depression during the daytime as well, this may be indicative of a more significant postpartum mental health disorder.

What can I do to help my sunset scaries?

1.     Be aware of your triggers – It can be incredibly helpful to simply be aware that the nighttime is a trigger for a feeling of dread. If you are aware that it is coming, you can begin to use coping skills in the moment. You can also practice self-compassion in the moment, knowing that you are not alone in the experience of postpartum dread at night.

2.     Take care of yourself – if you know you will be up a lot during the night, then go to bed early. Engage in a self-care routine before going to bed, such as taking a shower or bath, a skin care routine, etc. Prioritize your needs before bedtime if you can in order to feel most prepared for the night ahead.

3.     Externalize the dread – When we feel dread or anxiety about something, we often internalize it and think that the anxiety is representative of who we are, rather than something we are going through. Remind yourself that you are going through a huge transition. Bringing home a baby is hard enough, let alone the sleep deprivation and hormonal changes. The dread and anxiety you feel is understandable, and it represents the huge transition, physically and psychologically, you are going through. It does not mean you cannot handle it or that it will always feel this way.

4.     Use affirmations - When late afternoon approaches, remind yourself that, although it can be scary or stressful, you are capable of getting through the night. The sunset scaries, the nighttime wakings, the lack of sleep – it is temporary. It is difficult, yes, but temporary. Remind yourself that you can get through it. It will not feel this way forever.

5.     Rely on your partner or loved ones – If you have a partner, make a plan with them about how to help with the middle of the night feedings and wakings. Divide and conquer wakings, or simply ask them to join you when you wake for one of the feedings to lessen your isolation. Additionally, lean on other friends or family who may be awake in the middle of the night (for their babies, work schedules) to reduce the feeling of isolation. Utilize your loved ones during the day to catch up on sleep as well.

6.     Distract yourself in the night – if you feel heightened anxiety in the middle of the night during a feeding, pick a podcast or TV show to listen to/watch while you feed. Sitting with your thoughts in the dark night is likely unproductive, so give your mind a place to wander while you feed. Get a good snack to have next to your bed.

You aren’t alone in the experience of dread or anxiety about what the night will bring. You will sleep again. Your baby will learn to sleep as well. This time is temporary. AND if you need additional support, don’t be afraid to ask for more help.